Travel, anyone?

Most of us travel. Some of us travel occasionally, some of us are on that aluminum tube at least twice a week. We all know what it’s like to put up with the grockels that simply have no idea whatsoever when it comes to moving through an airport, or behave themselves in a reasonable manner once on board.

So, #airline #PR departments – this is a first draft of some notes that came from bitter experience on one of your flights.

It is high time that a leaflet is produced that discusses “etiquette for air travel”. The behavior of various travelers with whom I have recently had the displeasure of having to travel with makes it clear that a lot of your customers have absolutely no inkling of how impossible their behavior is, especially during longer flights.

A few noteworthy headings for such a leaflet would be as follows – and I for one would not be offended in any way if these leaflets were to be laminated and inserted into the seat back pocket in front of me:

In order to make sure for a good travel experience for all travelers on this flight, we would appreciate it if you would take the following points into consideration:

  • Before starting on your travels, personal hygiene is an important issue to take care of. You will be with 100+ other travelers in a relatively small space. Please limit the use of strong perfumes, and I’d also rather not sit next to something that smells like a long abandoned ash tray either. Thanks!
  • If you bring food on board, please try to avoid foods that might be offensive to others – strong smelling foods in particular are not suitable for consumption in a small aircraft cabin. I really don’t want to smell your pizza.
  • If you get into your chair, or up from your chair, please use YOUR headrest to lean on – NOT the headrest of the person traveling in front of you, as this is very uncomfortable and if they are trying to rest will disturb them greatly
  • Loud conversations in a small cabin are offensive. Please contain yourself to your own area; other travelers do not want to hear the details of your conversations
  • If you play games on your personal electronic systems, please make sure to turn the sound off or use headphones. A 10 hour international flight is not the place for you to play video games incessantly with the audio turned up. Oh – and no, headphones at level 11 so that I can listen to the high frequencies of your game or music is not necessary; let’s keep it real.
  • Please make sure that children traveling with you are under your control, and do not behave in an offensive manner. Behavior including continuous running through the aircraft corridors, and kicking the chair in front of them are not conducive to a happy travel experience for others.
  • When you have kids on board, do NOT decide to watch the movie with noise canceling headphones on. They’re your kids. You made them. Kindly look after them! (thanks Martin Barratt)
  • Do not use the areas in front of the emergency exits or by toilets in front of other travelers to “hang out” or “dance” with your babies while they are screaming any more than you have to, and try to avoid encroaching into other traveler’s spaces. Believe it or not, I have a meeting to go to the moment I arrive the other end.
  • If you are using a toilet in front of other passengers spaces, please avoid kicking them while getting in or out of the toilets or the space in front of the toilets, especially on longer flights where other travelers are trying to get some rest.
  • If you pee over the edge – clean it up. Those toilets get seriously nasty after a long flight with nobody caring.
  • When you store your food trays please make sure not to slam them. The person in front of you will appreciate it if their spine is still in one piece AFTER this flight.
  • Try to limit reclining your seat. That means “DON’T”. Yes, we know you can. Although the option is there, and it may be your right to recline your seat, it severely restricts the remaining space for those behind you, and may cause discomfort and pain for those seated behind you, especially where they are fellow travelers over about 6’.
  • Although dress code is obviously a personal issue, we do recommend that you consider what you wear so that it cannot be considered offensive to other passengers. Your next door neighbor most likely does not want to feel your naked flesh/flab pressed against them.
  • When you arrive at your destination, there is a normal sequence for disembarkation. This is normally done be row numbers, and people between you and the exit of the plane would expect to leave before you do, so please wait until it is your turn.
  • When you arrive at your destination and cell phone use is permitted, please keep your voice down. The rest of the passengers on this flight do not want to know your travel details or intent for the remainder of the day. Believe it or not, your sex life is of no interest to me. Well, mostly anyway.
  • When you move through the cabin, please make sure to avoid brushing up against other passengers, and be especially considerate with any luggage your are carrying; your luggage should not hit other passengers as you move through the cabin
  • If you need to leave your seat and you are not on the isle, please allow adequate time for the passenger or passengers between your seat and the isle to organize themselves before you try to get in or out. On longer flights, try to use the facilities at the beginning of the flight so that they can get some rest if they wish to do so. If you know you have a more regular need to get up than most, try to arrange for an aisle seat.
  • If you are wearing a backpack, remember that you stick out, so when you turn around, try not to knock the teeth out of the person you are swiping your backpack into. In fact – on an aircraft it makes a lot more sense to CARRY your backpack so that this scenario can’t happen. (thanks George Mayer)

There must be plenty more – so if you feel so inclined to have us add your favorite no-no to the list, please let us know. If it’s halfway sensible, we’ll add it here. You never know, one of the airlines might just decide it’s sensible and ‘suggest’ it to your fellow travelers.

#americanairlines #united #jetblue #alaska #alaskaair #deltaairlines #KLM #lufthansa #emirates #jal #chinaeastern #chinaair